Managing Your Own Emotions When Visiting Aging Loved Ones Over the Holidays

The holidays are often a mix of joy, nostalgia, and sometimes, stress—especially when visiting aging loved ones who may be facing new challenges. For many adult children, these visits spark an urgent desire to do and fix. Whether driven by guilt, fear, or love, this “crisis mode” approach can unintentionally add emotional and logistical strain to an already complex situation.

The good news? You don’t have to have all the answers or solve every issue during your visit. By managing your emotions and approaching the situation calmly and thoughtfully, you can create a supportive environment for your loved one—and for yourself.

Here are three actionable tips to help you pause, reflect, and connect before jumping into action.

1. Take a Moment to Breathe

When emotions run high, your first instinct might be to dive right into problem-solving. But before you do, take a moment to pause and center yourself. Deep breathing is a simple yet powerful tool to calm your nervous system and clear your mind.

Try this easy exercise:

· Inhale deeply for four seconds.

· Hold your breath for four seconds.

· Exhale slowly for four seconds.

Repeat this process a few times, focusing on the rhythm of your breath. As you do, you’ll likely notice your body relaxing and your thoughts becoming more organized. This moment of mindfulness gives you the space to approach the situation with greater clarity and less stress.

2. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions during a visit with an aging loved one—guilt for not being there more often, worry about their health or safety, or even frustration at the changes you see. These feelings come from a place of care, but when left unchecked, they can overwhelm you and lead to reactive decisions.

Take a few moments to ask yourself:

· What am I feeling right now?

· What is driving this emotion?

By identifying and naming your emotions, you gain power over them instead of letting them control your actions. For example, if guilt is at the root of your urge to “fix” everything, remind yourself that your presence and support are enough. You don’t have to solve every problem today—your loved one values the time you spend with them more than any quick fix.

3. Focus on Connection, Not Control

One of the most meaningful things you can do during your visit is to prioritize connection over action. Your loved one’s perspective, needs, and feelings matter, and the best way to understand them is by listening with an open heart.

Instead of rushing to offer solutions, start with a conversation:

· “How have you been feeling lately?”

· “What has been working well for you?”

· “What would feel most helpful for you right now?”

These open-ended questions invite your loved one to share their experiences and needs, fostering a sense of autonomy and respect. This approach not only helps you better understand their situation but also reduces the risk of adding unnecessary stress or making assumptions about what they need.

Why This Matters

The holidays are an opportunity to reconnect and create lasting memories with your loved ones. By managing your own emotions first, you can be fully present, grounded, and attentive to their needs. This isn’t about doing it all—it’s about being there in a way that feels meaningful and supportive for everyone involved.

Remember: Calm. Connect. Care.

When you take the time to breathe, process your emotions, and focus on connection, you create a space for your loved one to feel seen, heard, and valued. And that, more than anything, is what the holidays are truly about.

Feel like you need additional guidance or individualized support?

Our team of Certified Senior Advisors® and Certified Dementia Practitioners® has successfully assisted hundreds of families. We offer a single point of contact for all services you or your loved one might need when transitioning from longtime homes. We ensure a stress-free move that allows you to focus on the transition rather than the logistics.

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